A Big Milestone

Last Picture of Tammy & Trent Together

This was our last picture taken together the night before Trent went to Heaven.

It’s been 18 years without the love of my life. I honestly cannot believe I’ve made it this long without him. Has time been my healer? No way! It’s been Jesus and me every step of the way. I’ll admit though, they have not always been the best steps that I’ve chosen to take. In fact, I’ve had many “off the path” steps along the way. But somehow I kept finding my way back. Back to the One who has done more than just get me through the storms. God Himself, has carried me through every season which has lead me straight to this very milestone in my life today.

18 years! I got to thinking, I have now been WITHOUT Trent longer than I was WITH him. The thought still breaks me and seems unfair at times. He was the one! How could one man impact and influence someones life sooo deeply. His absence has crippled me at times. I wish he were here with me now, as I’m collecting my thoughts and wiping the tears that are falling from my eyes as I stare at a picture of the two of us on the bookshelf across the room. I wish I could hear him say one more time, it’s gonna be OK. You’re not alone. Don’t worry about anything.

Life without him has been beyond painful and hard. Oh yes, God has healed and brought wholeness to my broken heart over the years, but life is STILL painful and hard. I will never pretend or lie about that. But that’s just it, life this side of Heaven is never going to be easy for any of us. There will always be ups and downs and twists and turns. But Jesus said we face nothing alone and He promises to one day make all things clear AND brand new and when He does, all the pieces will finally come together and we will fully understand all the why’s…one day.

So what is a milestone really? It literally refers to a roadside marker that lists the distance to a particular location. A notable significant event that causes some change to occur or that marks a specific point in the development of someone or something.

I passed the marker. I’ve been changed. I’ve gone the distance and I will continue to fight the battle to surrender all and trust Jesus each day that I do.

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